The art of deception Page 19

  as he should to you. What the hell’s the matter with you? Go to the doctor’s, ask her to sort you out with counselling or whatever else it takes. If I let you do this, you’ll regret it.’

  ‘You’re wrong, John. As long as I’m here, I worry I’ll do something terrible to him. I can’t take that chance. Don’t you understand that?’

  He made a conscious effort to calm down. Shouting would only make her worse. ‘No, I don’t. It’s postnatal depression, darling. If you’d done what the doctor advised, you’d probably be on the mend by now. You won’t get better unless you have counselling as well as taking the antidepressants. You’re too hasty by far – it’s only weeks since you had him. That’s too soon to make such a momentous decision.’

  ‘I’ve been looking at adoption agencies on the internet. They seem nice.

  Imagine how many couples can’t have a child? How heart-breaking is that? We could make one of them so happy. He’d be perfect and he’s as good as gold. Let me show you on the computer!’

  ‘Angie, for God’s sake. Listen to yourself. And even if this wasn’t a mad idea, I’m not interested. AJ is ours to be loved and cherished. I’ll never give him up, no matter what it costs.’

  ‘But what if it costs you our marriage, and causes us to break up? Is it worth keeping him if you lost me?’

  ‘Don’t ask me to choose between you and the baby. The baby doesn’t have a choice, but you do.’

  ‘Have it your own way, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.’

  ‘I’ll not be held to ransom. If he’s so awful, we’ll come to another arrangement.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘I don’t know. But in five months you’ll be at work, anyway – and I presume you’ll be full-time again. That’s when to make arrangements for a nanny or a childminder. Not now.’

  ‘So you refuse to consider my suggestion?’

  ‘Yes. Not when he has a family and grandparents to love him. Have a long hard look at yourself, darling. Remember: if you had him adopted, you couldn’t change your mind. And you’d never see him again. That would break your heart.’

  ‘No it wouldn’t.’

  pg. 137

  ‘I’m not discussing this any further. He’s my baby too, and the answer’s no.’

  She shrugged, but gave him a sneering smile that made his heart flutter. He worried she’d still go ahead without his knowledge or consent. Fine – let her try.

  He’d kill her.

  <><><>

  The next morning, he woke early, still worrying over what Angie might do. She was so unpredictable. But she had taken care of AJ and there were no signs that she’d harmed him, despite her saying she loathed looking after him. Although she’d sounded serious last night, he was sure she would never intentionally hurt him. He sensed she loved him and was only sounding off out of frustration.

  Both mother and son were asleep when he popped his head around the door half an hour later. He leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek and whispered, ‘I’m off darling, see you later.’

  ‘Mm,’ she mumbled, turning over in her sleep.

  He was the first to arrive. He had his own key, so he opened up and sat staring at an empty screen until he caught sight of Sarah.

  ‘You’re bright and early,’ she said.

  ‘Yep.’ He didn’t smile.

  ‘How’s your arms?’

  ‘All right.’

  ‘Are you always this chatty in the morning?’

  ‘Sometimes.’

  ‘Are you even listening?

  ‘What? Sorry. Had another rough night with AJ.’ As he tried to smile, he found he had tears in his eyes. He hoped Sarah hadn’t noticed, but the concern on her face suggested otherwise.

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘John, you can do better than that. Something’s upset you. And my guess is it’s to do with Angie.’

  He grimaced. ‘How come you’re always so perceptive?’

  ‘Because that’s what women do. They notice things.’

  ‘I don’t enjoy talking about stuff.’

  ‘You and every other man. So, will you talk to me or not? I’m not being nosy – I’d just like to help. You’re my friend. Come on, spill the beans before anyone else comes.’

  He told her almost everything, having to stop twice to regain control of himself. She listened, her eyes widening with shock.

  ‘That’s terrible. One thing, though. Did you really spill hot water over your arms? Are you sure it wasn’t … you know – deliberate? What did she do to you, John?’

  pg. 138

  He sighed. ‘I really thought I was convincing. OK – she threw a jug of boiling water over me. She’s never been violent towards me before she got pregnant and yet now …’

  ‘I knew it. It’s hard to take this in, John. She needs help. I suggest you persuade her to go back to her doctor and ask if she’ll refer her to a psychiatrist.’

  ‘That’s easier said than done, when she won’t listen to me. How on earth do I convince her?’

  ‘Has she family who might support her?’

  ‘Only her father; her mother died when she was ten, in a car crash. No brothers or sisters.’

  ‘And is she close to him?’

  ‘Yes, he brought her up on his own after her mum died. She dotes on him.’

  ‘That’s the answer, then. Speak to him – maybe he has some influence over her.’

  ‘It’s worth a try. I find it hard to understand her. I mean, we both wanted kids, but ever since she got pregnant, she’s had these mood swings and tantrums.

  God knows how she’d react if AJ really played up. This wanting to have our son adopted is the final straw. I’m at my wits’ end.’

  She squeezed his arm, being careful to avoid the blistered areas. ‘Lots of women have trouble bonding with their baby – you’d be surprised. She might come round.’

  He smiled. ‘Thanks for listening, Sarah. And you’re right. I’ll ring Angie’s dad. Sorry if I’ve bored you with my problems.’

  ‘You haven’t. Isn’t that what friends are for?’

  ‘I need to get on with some work before I fall apart.’

  ‘Yes, well, that new account for the dentists needs sorting. It’s a mess. No wonder they changed over to us.’

  ‘Too right. They’ve had me tearing my hair out.’

  ‘Speak to you later.’

  As he worked, he pondered over what to say to Alan. Was it worth talking to him? He wasn’t sure, but he had nothing to lose.

  He waited until late in the day, fearing Angie might be with him. How embarrassing would that be?

  It took ages before Alan answered and the tone in the man’s voice wasn’t friendly. But he’d got this far, so there was no going back.

  ‘Sorry to ring you, Alan, but I wanted to talk to you about Angie.’

  ‘Why? Is there something the matter with her?’

  ‘Yes … no … I don’t know. She’s not been very well lately. She’s depressed, she’s had problems connecting with AJ and she’s getting worked up about it. And now she wants to him put up for adoption – can you believe it? I’m worried to death. She can’t do anything without my consent, of course, but how do I get her to change her mind? I wondered if you might have a word with her.’

  pg. 139

  Alan didn’t answer at first but finally said, ‘That’s not any business of mine. I prefer not to interfere. And besides she might not listen, anyway. She’s very headstrong, as you well know; once she’s made a decision, there’s no talking her out of it. I know she’s unhappy, she told me she finds the baby hard to cope with and she misses work. But I never imagined she was that bad. I’m sad she’s considering giving up my grandson, but it must run deeper than that.’

  ‘You’ve not seen her?’

  ‘Not since last week, so this has come as a bit of a shock. It’s drastic …

  Tell you what I’ll do – if she mentions this, I’ll try to dissuade her.
She normally tells me everything; it’s not like her to keep it to herself. Thank you for telling me. I promise you it will go no further.’

  ‘OK, thanks. I appreciate it.’

  When he rang off, John didn’t feel any better. Her dad was vague and he seemed to be saying that he wouldn’t help unless she brought the subject up herself. What use was that to anyone?

  He left work, wondering what would happen when he got home. Upon his return, she appeared to have everything under control.

  ‘How’s AJ?’

  ‘Fine. I’d say he’s over that bug, thank God. Eating like a horse again.’

  ‘Great. Been anywhere today?’

  ‘Yes, took him to the park and shopping – he slept while I walked around the shops, got me a new skirt and a top.’

  ‘Oh good, you must show me afterwards.’

  ‘I will, John. Can you pop through and see how the dinner’s going? Should be ready.’

  ‘Sure. If it is, I’ll dish up, shall I? You look as if you’re done with him.’

  ‘Another five minutes and I’ve finished.’

  ‘OK. I’ll bring the plates in.’

  They made small talk during dinner. Angie didn’t mention adoption; perhaps she hadn’t meant what she said, or had just been letting off steam. He breathed an inward sigh of relief.

  ‘Fancy going out this weekend? The forecast is nice. We could go for a walk by the river at Liverton, have fish and chips for lunch and take a look round the shops. What do you say?’

  She thought for a moment and said. ‘Yes, if we could find someone to babysit.’

  ‘Don’t you want to take him with us? It’d be good for him to be out in the fresh air.’

  ‘He’ll be in the way. And what if he’s sick or something?’

  ‘I don’t believe this. We’re not together as a family if he’s not there.’

  ‘What’s the point? He won’t know where we are. You’re living with your head in the clouds, John. The painful reality is he’ll spoil everything until he’s older.’

  pg. 140

  ‘I don’t agree. We can’t leave him out – I want to watch him grow up. I’m fascinated. If he can’t come, I won’t go.’

  ‘Don’t bite my head off. This isn’t just about what you want. We need to have quality time alone together or we’ll end up drifting apart.’

  ‘Yes, but not yet. He’s only a few weeks old and you want to palm him off on someone else. Makes no sense.’

  ‘It makes perfect sense. We need a life of our own without him. And I need a break. It’s all right for you, you’re not here, you only have him at nights and weekends while I’m with him twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. It’s bound to get tiresome. This is too much for me, I’m going insane.’

  ‘Come on, Angie. He needs his parents with him.’

  ‘That’s why he has to be put up for adoption. If I’m there, he’ll not be in a happy environment. Isn’t it better for him to live with parents who can love and cherish him?’

  ‘I’m not discussing this anymore. I won’t have him adopted. I’ll bring him up on my own, if I have to. Mum and Dad will support me if I ask them.’

  ‘You’ve got this worked out, haven’t you? Plotting and planning behind my back. Trying to push me out because I have a few problems. You are so self-centred, you make me sick. I’ll walk out, John. Let’s see how you get on then, shall we? You’ll soon think the same as me.’

  He shook his head, picked up AJ and went upstairs, his whole life in turmoil. Why was Angie doing this to him?

  pg. 141

  Chapter 29

  ngie was busy on the computer, making a list of adoption agencies she intended ringing on Monday morning. Later, in bed, while John slept and A snored like a pig, she lay awake, unable to keep still. She got up and went downstairs; after lying on the settee for a couple of minutes, she had to walk around the room, trying to rid herself of the awful anxious feelings in her head.

  She wanted a drink but there was no alcohol. She considered taking an extra tablet, but decided against it for fear of turning into a zombie.

  In frustration she made for the kitchen and opened the cupboards and drawers, pulling out the contents, smashing crockery, throwing things here, there and everywhere. Glasses smashed into tiny pieces. Tins were thrown askew and the contents of the fridge were strewn around. She laughed; causing such destruction made the adrenaline surge through her and gave her a high.

  John appeared in the doorway. ‘Angie! What the hell are you doing?’

  ‘Having a smashing time,’ she giggled.

  ‘This isn’t funny. Have you gone off your head, darling? Stop this now, you hear me?’

  Giving out his orders as usual. She glared at him and threw a box of eggs on the floor. He grabbed her by the arm and tried to manhandle her out of the kitchen. But Angie, livid, managed to pull her hand free and punched him in the face, a broken china cup in her hand. She jabbed it into his nose. Blood spurted everywhere, and he cried out in pain. When he put his hand to his nose and moved it away, it was covered in blood.

  ‘Oh my God, look what you’ve done!’ He coughed and took out a handkerchief, dabbed the wound.

  ‘Good – you deserve it.’ She walked out.

  Back upstairs, AJ was crying. Hungry, no doubt. She had to get his bottle but John was still in the kitchen. He had his back to her, obviously dealing with his bloody nose. The fridge door was still open; she took a feed out and dropped it into a jug of warm water.

  Within half an hour she’d fed and changed AJ and got him to sleep again.

  Even though she loathed this chore, she was pleased with herself for doing it without a hitch. John was still in the kitchen, clearing up the carnage, but why should she help? He’d provoked her to such an extent that she couldn’t stop herself from lashing out. His fault, not hers.

  <><><>

  After a difficult weekend, John woke on Monday morning exhausted but determined to go to work. He didn’t want to face Angie across the breakfast table.

  No, he’d talk to her tonight.

  pg. 142

  What worried him was the sight of his nose. Swollen around his eyes and scabbed on the top – everyone was bound to notice. Of course, he couldn’t tell the truth. But they would either ask or wonder.

  Sarah, in early as usual, was first. He wore his glasses but although they helped, it was still noticeable.

  ‘Hey, what happened to you?’ she asked, aghast.

  ‘Don’t ask.’

  ‘But I am asking. Have you been in a fight? Or did someone attack you, or what?’

  ‘Yes, sort of. I was in the fish and chip shop and this guy accused me of jumping the queue and when I said I wasn’t, he punched me. Didn’t half hurt, I can tell you. And then he scarpered. Thought he’d broken my nose, but I think it’s just bruised.’

  She narrowed her eyes. ‘That sounds like a tall story to me.’

  ‘Why? It’s the truth.’

  ‘No, it isn’t. This is you trying to protect Angie. Why don’t you admit it?’

  John hesitated for a few seconds. ‘OK, but I won’t go into details.’

  ‘Why did you come in, John?’

  ‘I’m fine. It only hurts when I touch it.’

  The lads ribbed him a little, but he took in in good heart.

  The work was routine after that, and nothing he couldn’t handle. Good job too, after the weekend he’d had with Angie. Could he face another day like that?

  <><><>

  When Angie got up and went downstairs, there was no sign of John – he must have left for work already. He was a star in some ways, having cleaned up the mess from her tantrum for instance, but not in any others that were important to her. Perhaps it was good they hadn’t spoken, or she may have faced another row.

  And she had AJ to deal with. Eight o’clock, and he wasn’t yet awake. Very impressive. But not impressive enough.

  She took out the final bottle and went back upstairs. No doubt he woul
d wake soon, but at least this time he allowed her to wash and dress and do her hair.

  By ten o’clock she had him ready. She ate toast and marmalade and had a coffee, then put on her coat, strapped AJ in the back seat and drove off.

  She knew straightway where she was going – without invitation. But it was a risk worth taking. The journey was uneventful, the roads quiet; seeing a car on the drive of the impressive detached house, she breathed out with relief.

  She took AJ out in his car seat and rang the bell. They were about to get a shock. Susan answered, her eyes widening at the sight of Angie standing there with the baby.

  A slight smile came on her face. ‘Oh, what a lovely surprise! Won’t you come in, love? We love seeing AJ?’

  pg. 143

  ‘Wondered if you’d mind having him an hour or so. I arranged to meet my pals from work at lunchtime as one of them is leaving, and I thought I’d have a look around the shops first. Do you mind? He’s been fed and changed. I’ve brought fresh clothes, nappies and two bottles of his milk – keep them in the fridge. I’ll bring in the wheels too, for when he needs a nap.’

  ‘Of course, we’d be delighted to. Shall I take him off your hands while you fetch everything in?’

  ‘Yes – thanks. Won’t be a minute.’

  She put the pram and baby bag inside the door as Susan came into the hall.

  ‘Sure, you won’t stop for a drink?’

  ‘No, no, thanks, must dash. Won’t be long.’

  ‘All right, we’ll speak later.’

  ‘Yes. Bye.’

  Before John’s mum could speak further, Angie got into the car and drove off at high speed.

  Heaving with relief, she drove towards home, all the time fearful John might ring. Thankfully, he didn’t. She walked inside and straight upstairs.

  Within an hour she had everything packed, ready to go.

  She shed a tear as she locked the front door. John was her soulmate but wasn’t there for her when she needed him. Only one man had always put her first

  - her dad. She didn’t even phone him, because she knew he’d welcome her with open arms.