The art of deception Page 24

  ‘We’ve said we’ll have him on the weekends if you need us to.’

  ‘Can’t let you do that, Dad – you’re already doing too much as it is. What if it’s more than you can handle? What will I do then?’

  ‘It won’t be. You’re on your own with it, whereas there’s two of us. Heard from Angie yet?’

  ‘Funny you should say that. I phoned her dad yesterday, but he wasn’t very helpful. Said he’d tell her I want to discuss the future with her. But whether she will agree is a different matter. This mess needs to be sorted once and for all.’

  ‘Well, you should see a solicitor.’

  ‘Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.’

  ‘Your mum and I are worried over you. It’s not fair.’

  ‘Mum …?’

  ‘She’s tired. That’s why I let her lie in today.’

  ‘I’d better go, or I’ll be late. Any problems, give me a bell.’

  ‘Will do, son. But I’m sure that won’t be necessary. You take care of yourself now.’

  John smiled and set off to the office.

  The weather was sunny and warm, so during his lunchbreak he went out for a walk, buying himself a drink and a bite to eat, then sitting on the bench opposite the office building. It always caught the sun at lunchtime.

  There he was, with the sun beating down, eating his sandwiches when he looked up and saw Sarah walking towards him. She smiled and sat beside him with her own lunch.

  ‘Don’t mind, do you, John?’

  ‘It’s a free country.’

  ‘Nice day, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yeah. Shame to be at work.’

  ‘You know, I get the feeling you’re avoiding me.’

  ‘No, not at all – it’s just that I’ve been very busy. This is the first chance I’ve had to get out of the place. Look, I don’t want people getting the wrong idea about us. You know how people talk.’

  pg. 175

  ‘I suppose you’re right. But I haven’t had chance to talk to you properly.

  How have you been? Can’t be much fun on your own with AJ.’

  ‘I’ve had worse – when Angie was shouting and screaming at me – but nowadays I’m happy to settle for looking after myself and my son. I enjoy every minute with him, but I miss Angie, or the girl she used to be before she got ill.’

  ‘Nice, though wasn’t it, me and you and baby AJ? I loved it. I’d be a natural as a mother, if I ever got a baby of my own.’

  ‘Have you spoken to Jack? I know you said you weren’t keen on football, but why not offer to go to a few matches with him in exchange for letting you have a baby?’

  ‘You’re joking. He doesn’t want me anywhere a football match with him.

  He wants to be with his boozy mates so he can get up to stuff.’

  ‘Then you’ve a problem, babe. Why not trick him into it? He’d never know.’ He grinned.

  ‘Not sure I want a baby with him anyway. What sort of father would he be?’

  ‘You never can tell. Angie was like you, before she got pregnant, and look how that turned out. What’s his excuse?’

  ‘He doesn’t have one. He’s a thug who only cares about booze and football.

  I must have been mad to marry him … but I thought he’d mellow. But that won’t happen so long as he’s with his mates – they’re a bad influence. And the number of times he’s come home drunk after a match, I’m amazed he’s kept his job. There have been loads of times when he’s gone to work in a right old state. And he’s been violent towards me more than once.’

  ‘And I thought I had problems.’

  ‘At least he hasn’t left me – or should I say, I haven’t left him.’

  ‘Is it on the cards, then?’

  ‘I can’t decide. When I was with you the other night, it crossed my mind.

  I … I think we both deserve better than we’ve got.’

  She put her hand on top of his. Somehow, he didn’t pull his hand away.

  ‘I never planned for that to happen, Sarah. We’ve both got problems, and we let them run away with us. But one step further would put our friendship at risk.’

  ‘So, you’re not that keen then.’ There was a touch of bitterness in her voice.

  ‘It’s not that. You’re like the older sister I never had. And right now, you’re the only person I can talk to. That says a lot – I mean, I didn’t tell my mum and dad or any of my friends; I chose you.’

  ‘Good. You’ve made me feel wanted for once.’

  ‘I’m glad – but if we’re not careful, our friendship could develop into something more, and … well, to be honest, I’m frightened of being hurt again.’

  ‘We gel together well, John, you know we do. We’re on the same wavelength – don’t you feel that too?’

  pg. 176

  ‘Yes, but an affair could change everything. We couldn’t work together, for a start. One of us would end up in another department. People talk, Sarah.

  How do we know they’re not talking already? We can’t risk it.’

  ‘I don’t care.’ Her eyes glistened with tears.

  ‘You would when the time comes, believe me. Right now, my future is with AJ, and it will be for years to come. I hope we can stay friends but if that’s not possible, I’m sorry.’

  ‘You’re not making it easy for me. We get on really well, you know we do.’

  ‘Yes, but if Angie finds out she’ll use it against me. I’d lose my son. And I can’t live with that after what I’ve been through these past few weeks.’

  ‘She’ll never find out if we’re discreet.’

  ‘No. I won’t do it, Sarah.’

  ‘Well, then there’s nothing further to say,’ she said, getting up from her seat. ‘You’ll regret it, John, and then it’ll be too late. You’re throwing away a chance of real happiness.’

  ‘I’m sorry, but my son must come first.’

  She walked away, leaving John’s emotions in disarray. But he wasn’t willing to sacrifice his son for anyone.

  <><><>

  That Wednesday night, Angie purposely dressed in ripped jeans, a turquoise top and a khaki jacket, and left her hair unbrushed. [AB22]She lay on the bed, waiting for the appointed hour. When her dad cleared his throat outside the door, she jumped.

  ‘Coming, Dad.’

  He breathed out with relief, put an arm around her shoulder and kissed her on the cheek. ‘Thanks, Angie, I appreciate it. It’s good to be in a family again.’

  ‘Yes,’ she muttered. ‘Listen, let’s go in my car, then you can have a drink.

  And it’ll make sure I don’t.’

  ‘I won’t have more than the one myself – at my age I need to be a bit more responsible or my health will suffer.’

  ‘Pleased to hear you’re trying to look after yourself.’

  ‘Perhaps I haven’t helped putting stuff in your tea and coffee. But I thought it might relax you.’

  ‘It did at first … but not anymore.’

  Angie put the radio on when they drove off, so he didn’t lecture her or try to tell her what to do. They made small talk, and that satisfied her for now.

  Rachel got out of her car when she saw them driving into the car park. She wore a dark blue trouser suit with a white blouse, her hair curly and washed.

  ‘Hallo there,’ she smiled. ‘So pleased you’re here, Angie.’

  pg. 177

  ‘My pleasure. Dad had to drag me by the scruff of the neck, but I’ll run off the first chance I get.’

  ‘Sense of humour too, I like that.’

  ‘Shall we go?’ Alan urged.

  ‘Yes, why not?’ Rachel took his arm; Angie frowned behind their backs.

  She hoped they wouldn’t be all lovey-dovey at the pub, because she’d cringe.

  Rachel pointed across the room. ‘Right, Angie, I’ve booked a table for three – there, right by the window. Why don’t you sit in the middle?’

  ‘Sure, whatever.’

  Alan ordered the drinks, with Angie dec
iding on a lemonade. The menu sounded appetising, if you liked pub meals. Angie had a steak while her dad and Rachel decided on a lamb shank.

  ‘Well, I’m so pleased you’re here, Angie, your dad talks about you non-stop. From what he’s said, I gather you’re very close, especially since … well, what happened with your mum.’

  ‘Yes, you could say that. It was difficult because Mum was ill long before she died. It’s not a subject I enjoy talking about, if you want the truth.’

  ‘That’s understandable. I’m not asking you to talk unless you want to. But your present situation concerns us. Both me and your dad, I mean.’

  ‘Don’t start lecturing me, or I’ll—’

  ‘No, not at all. This isn’t about judging anyone. I’m just trying to figure out why it’s happened.’

  Oh, what the hell. May as well. ‘It was John, tricking me into getting pregnant, when he knew I had no maternal instincts. He only has himself to blame. I tried my best but I can’t cope with it, so now I’ve decided to make a fresh start. It couldn’t be clearer than that.’

  ‘That’s very sad,’ Rachel said.

  Just then the food came. Angie suddenly found she was hungry and tucked in. They were quiet throughout; she sensed an atmosphere which she guessed was her fault.

  ‘So how did you meet?’ Angie asked.

  ‘Through your mum, actually. I was her psychiatrist, and I used to see them both together. Once a week for over a year.’

  ‘You didn’t stop her from killing herself, though, did you?’

  Rachel put her knife and fork down with a clatter. ‘No, but that’s – suicide, I mean – it’s very hard to predict. I did my best for her and helped prolong her life, hopefully.’

  Angie snorted. ‘Oh, really?’

  ‘And I helped your dad get through that traumatic period. He might have had a total mental breakdown and you’d have been taken into care.’

  ‘I know,’ Angie admitted.

  ‘Anyway, we met again six months ago, bumped into each other in Dexford High Street. Went for a drink and talked about the past, and kind of took it from pg. 178

  there. We hit it off straightaway and we’ve been together ever since. Your dad has told me of the problems you’re encountered bonding with your baby, your mood swings and so on. Postnatal depression comes in many guises and it can take a long time to shake off. That’s where my expertise can help: I’m prepared to offer you sessions with me for free. I normally charge from £100 a session, so I’ll save you money. And if I can cure you, you could soon begin to lead a normal life again. What do you say?’

  ‘I never saw this coming. I always imagined you weren’t supposed to treat members of a family you’re connected to.’

  ‘That’s true, but I’m not part of your family. Your dad and I are only good friends. But who knows what may happen in the future? That’s why we should start our sessions at once.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘She means, darling,’ her dad butted in, ‘that all being well, we may get engaged in the new year. ’

  Angie’s jaw dropped. She wanted to throw up.

  pg. 179

  Chapter 35

  n the way home, Angie couldn’t speak. Never in a million years did she expect this. Getting married again – well, that woman would never take O her mum’s place.

  ‘You’re quiet, love. Still taking it in, are you?’

  ‘I never thought you’d want to marry again after what you had with Mum.

  But to each his own. You kept your secret well. Would you have told me if I hadn’t been ill? Or waited until after the wedding?’

  ‘We’re not even engaged yet. And as I’ve said, it won’t be until the new year. The wedding could be at least another year after that, if not more. There’s no rush – we just want to enjoy what we have now. But at least we will make a commitment to each other. As for any future wedding, of course I’d want you there – that’s only natural. This way I get to keep you both in my life. Been on my own for too long. I have my work, but there’s always something missing, like happiness and contentment. What your mother and I had before the bad things happened. I want that again before I’m too old to enjoy it.’

  ‘Oh, Dad. I don’t blame you. You deserve that, I know you do, but I can’t be part of this new family.’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake, why ever not?’

  ‘Because …’

  ‘What have you got against her?’

  ‘Nothing. You look well matched, I’m happy for you but it’s just too much for me to take in.’

  ‘You’re being ridiculous, Angie. We could be a family again, like before.’

  ‘That was then, and this is now. I’m a grown woman and I don’t belong to you two.’

  ‘But she’s offered to help you for free and she’s one of the best psychiatrists in her field – can’t you understand that?’

  ‘I understand it perfectly well. You’re trying to manipulate me like John used to. I won’t stand for it.’

  ‘I’m not. You came to me because you were ill, and you’re still not well.

  You wanted my help and that’s what I’m giving you if you let me.’

  ‘Yes – just you. Not the wicked stepmother.’

  ‘Right, so that’s it. Tell me what you don’t like about her, because I’m at a loss to understand. Rachel is a wonderful person who got me through many bad days after your mum died. If she hadn’t stood by me, what might have become of you? Adopted, fostered – who knows?’

  ‘If she’s such a fantastic psychiatrist, why didn’t she save Mum?’

  ‘She’s not to blame for that. She did her best for your mum, but people with bipolar are unpredictable. They’re irrational and when they’re in that state, literally anything can happen.’

  pg. 180

  ‘I don’t believe it. I’ve nothing against Rachel but I won’t live with you and I’m not coming to the wedding. Take it or leave it.’

  He gritted his teeth as he drove, not trusting himself to speak further on the subject.

  Angie didn’t care if it upset him; he never told her about Rachel until he had to, obviously fearing she might not accept the woman. He only cared about her, and himself.

  They spoke no further until they were back in the house. It was too early for bed, so she switched on the TV. But if he started on her again, she’d walk out.

  ‘Drink?’ he asked.

  ‘A Coke will be fine.’

  He fetched one and took a sip of his beer. ‘So, what are you going to do?’

  ‘No idea. What about you?’

  He laughed. ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘I’m looking forward to seeing who comes first, your daughter or your girlfriend.’

  ‘You can’t ask me to make that choice, Angie.’

  ‘I’m not asking you to. I’ve explained how it is – the rest is up to you.’

  He finished his beer.

  Angie put her can down. ‘I’m off to bed.’

  ‘Sleep well, my darling. Speak in the morning.’

  She nodded, traipsing off with a symbolic wave. Just what had her father become? Rachel had made him into someone she didn’t recognise. They were out to get her, like everyone else, John included. She intended being one step ahead of them. She had to find a job and a place of her own soon.

  <><><>

  Her dad was already up and eating his breakfast when she came into the kitchen the next morning. He looked up at her with a smile, but it wasn’t returned.

  ‘Good sleep?’

  ‘No. I had another strange dream about Mum dying. I’m shouting at her, and then I push her off the cliff. Was it me that killed her, Dad?’

  ‘Of course not. Don’t fret. She did it herself and I couldn’t get there in time to save her.’

  ‘Why do I think I did it, then?’

  ‘It’s anyone’s guess. That’s why I want you to talk to Rachel, because she’s the expert. Your mind is in a mess and someone has to untangle it. It may take time
but I promise you she’ll do it.’

  ‘How could I think I’d killed her, Dad, when I was in the car?’

  ‘Guilt, perhaps. Whenever a child experiences a tragic event, they blame themselves. It was no one’s fault. Your mother got ill, and had a lot of disturbing symptoms which I found hard to understand. When the doctors diagnosed her pg. 181

  with bipolar, I’d never heard of it. But when I read up on it, I realised all the descriptions were her to a T. There were periods when she was normal for a time, but gradually over time these got less and less.’

  ‘Is that me too?’

  ‘I don’t think so. I think it’s more likely postnatal depression and all this stuff about having no feelings for your own child is part of it. With the right therapist, you’ll be able to manage your condition, maybe in a matter of months; from what Rachel has said, you’re showing the classic symptoms. She says medication can help too. Please, at least give her a go, you’ve nothing to lose and a lot to gain. Surely you want to lead a normal life again?’

  She nodded meekly. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then will you let Rachel see you, say starting from next week? Go as often or as little as you like. No strings attached. Please, Angie.’

  ‘I can’t promise. But I’ll tell you as soon as I’ve decided.’

  ‘Well, don’t wait too long – she’s not available forever. She’s a busy lady with lots of important clients.’

  ‘All right, Dad, don’t go on. Ask her about these dreams with me killing Mum.’

  ‘I will, darling.’

  She made breakfast – toast and marmalade was all she could face – and ate opposite him.

  ‘Got much planned for today?’ he asked.

  ‘No. Might go job-hunting.’

  ‘Oh, by the way, Rachel left you a few books to read. About your condition.’ He pointed to a bag on the floor.

  ‘OK, thanks. When I get time, I’ll skip through them.’

  ‘You do that.’

  Soon after he’d gone, she made straight for the computer, clicked on her emails and scanned through them. Nothing. How disappointing. After an hour of surfing the net, she was bored out of her mind, and even contemplated looking through the books from Rachel. But she wasn’t that desperate yet.